Or, 'Androla in Schlocker'
Or, 'Sweden Says 'Hell No, Andro!''
Anyways. So, Andra Chansen... And WHAT a show it was! Shocking eliminations, musical Luuk, food fights! I was NOT disappointed.
*gulp*
...Even in Suzzie Tapper, and anyone who's read my blog thus far should realize that that is a BIG statement for me to be making right now.
So, for me, the biggest surprise of the night was not, in fact, Carola and Andreas not moving to the Finalen. It was pretty evident after their dismally boring performance that their run would be ending for this year. Obviously someone from Team Nordman had slipped a roofie in Ms. Haggkvist's holy water or whatever she drinks to make certain that her energy was way down tonight. It's the only way to explain why their number started to look like Weekend at Bernie's: The Musical!
No, the real shocker was when the camera panned back at the beginning of the song to show that someone had decided to hurl a lemon meringue pie at Carola before she went on stage! Which she was obviously too stoned to notice! Travesty!
Poor dear. Roofies and pie... She just couldn't win tonight, could shhh-- Oops. I guess she couldn't.
I must say, though, I'm really happy to see Sibel make it through. I didn't see that one coming at all. It was no surprise that she ended up against Ola, but I honestly thought it was going to go his way. It would seem that the Swedes were paying attention and cast their votes based on talent rather than boyish good looks, and good for Sweden. And good for Sibel! She really did deliver. Now, I love the song anyway. It has this Disney Princess vibe that I don't find much wrong with, but I thought her final performance, directly against Ola, was the strongest she's given so far, and if she could repeat that in Stockholm next week, she may be in line for a decent placing.
On a side note, is it just me or does it seem like Love In Stereo goes on forever? I really think the beginning of the song is catchy (if a little derivative of all of Ola's previous singles), but both times he performed, by the time he hit the bridge I felt like I was sitting through a concert version of 99 Bottles of Beer. "Give me love in stereo whoa-whoa-woo-WHOA Give me love in stereo whoa-whoa-woo-WHOA Give me love in stereo whoa-whoa-woo-WHOA Give me love in stereo whoa-whoa-woo-WHOA"
GAH!
But, great job and lots of luck to Sibel.
In the second match-ups, where all the drama took place, I also feel mostly content. Sure, I would've enjoyed seeing Carola complete the Ultimate Schlager Diva lineup, but I was horrified by their performance, so I'm glad I don't have to sit through it again. Though, in some ways, I sort of feel bad for each of them. Carola... It was obvious that she REALLY wanted to just break out and go wild and let the song move her like she did the first time out, but she'd gotten so much heat for oversinging it (which I didn't actually mind; I thought it added to the anthemic...ness of the song) that I could visibly see her holding back, to the point where I was uncomfortable watching her. She seemed like she was half singing the song, half thinking 'step, step, not too much, sing, sing, don't jump like that!' etc, etc. As for Andreas, I've admittedly never been his hugest fan, but he is a decent singer, he seems like a genuinely nice guy, and he was really looking forward to working with Carola because he thought with her he stood some kind of chance in the competition. And... it was just not to be. His guitars hurt her and her unrelenting ego hurt him.
Well, let's hope they both return at some point down the line... solo.
Side note, to Andreas, should he ever, y'know, pop by to see what I have to say... Umm, hon? Yeah. Please stop licking Carola's neck on TV. It's... really kinda narsty. And sinful. You'll go to Hell. Ask her, she'll tell you.
Moving on.
I'm a little bummed that Therese didn't make it through. She was never a threat for the win, but I think she's a good performer and I LOVE When You Need Me, and it would have been nice to see her in the Finalen. But, guys? It's official. I know there are people who can't stand it, but I think Nordman's song is just fantastic. There it is.
I. Love. It.
I love the performance, I love the dancer chick, I love just coming out of the first chorus when she walks up to him and he starts singing and turns his back on her in character, I love her dancing in the flame, I LOVE the 'whoa-oh!'s, I love how his voice fits the song... I'm a fan. I certainly wasn't expecting to have this reaction after the first listen. I even said, like, 'witch trials? Really?' But every time I hear it, the song wins me over more and more.
Congrats to Nordman for making it through to the Finalen. They won't win, but that's fine.
So, the final lineup for next week is set, and it's a really good one. Amy, Christer, Sanna, Rongedal, BWO, Frida & Headline, Linda, Char, Sibel & Nordman... With the exception of Frida & Headline (whom my spellcheck keeps trying to rename 'Friday'), all could be strong contenders. And, while I know popular opinion is that Char is going to steal the whole thing, it'll still be a whole lot of fun watching her get there.
Showing posts with label Ola. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ola. Show all posts
Saturday, March 8, 2008
Friday, February 29, 2008
BUSINESS IN THE FRONT, PAR-TAY IN THE BACK... SWEDE-STYLE!
Okay, before I start ripping into my pages of Melodifestivalen notes, I thought I'd start with something silly and light-hearted.
So, some quick backstory. I was tooling my way around Youtube not long ago, going through Swedish video upon Swedish video (Melodifestivalen fever, which I'm sure more than a few of you understand), and it struck me... The Swedes might like their schlager simple and to the point, but they seriously go ALL OUT when it comes to their hair.
So, for your viewing pleasure, I have scoured the deepest, darkest reaches of the internet (Okay, fine. I skimmed through youtube.) for some of the most insane-tastic hairdos and don’ts on offer. Some are MF entries, some are live TV performances… But they’re all good for a giggle.
Counting down...
13. Lena Philipsson – Dansa I Neon
I wasn’t aware of this, but apparently ‘Dansa I Neon’ is Svensk for ‘I want hair so big it can eat my head’. Well done, Lena. The folks at AquaNet salute you!
12. Lena Philipsson & Charlotte Perrelli – Flickorna på Småland
Where did Shirley Clamp’s schlager sensibility go, you ask? Why, it’s hidden in Charlotte’s hair! Along with Linda Bengtzing’s ability to sing a key change live, Sonja Alden’s retainer, Sandra Oxenryd’s Swedish career, Eva Dahlgren’s heterosexuality and Kikki’s sobriety. It’s the only explanation for why the ‘do is SO big (and why no one knows where those other things are anymore).
11. Lotta Engberg – Fyra Bugg & En Coca-Cola
I’m not actually going talking about Lotta here, cuz she’s just rocking the big-banged French braid (though honorable mention does go to the fuschia scarf holding it together). Instead, check out her backing singers. The girl at the 1:10 mark here is featuring not only the side ponytail (complete with day-glo schrunchie), but the morning-after bedhead too! Anonymous backing singer, your fearlessness has just earned you your moment in the spotlight.
10. Sanna Nielsen – Igår Idag
Dear Sanna. WHY aren’t you wearing enough bobbypins to keep your hair in place?! The ‘I just had sex on prom night’ walk of shame look is beneath you. You’re still super pretty, though, even if you look like a hot mess. Love, John.
9. Lena Philipsson – Om Igen
La PH does it again. Or, igen, I guess. Here she’s decided that she wants to add a little height. Wearing a pair of heels would’ve worked as well, Lena, but you rock out with that giant side ponytail. I TOTALLY take you more seriously because of it.
8. Ted Gardestad - Sattelit
Ted took the David Cassidy look up a notch with this gem of a ‘do. From the way his hair frames his face, to the way the long tresses in back swing over his shoulders, this is 70’s perfection... But, for a special treat, check out the announcer at the beginning. There’s a man who couldn’t be bothered to clean himself up this morning. Hippies represent!!
7. Shirley Clamp – Min Kärlek
Okay, I know you’re all thinking ‘What? Shirley? But she’s always so pretty!’ And you’re mostly right. Moreover, to give her some actual credit, after her MF appearance in 2003 in that awful black muumuu and blown-out hair, Shirl lost a bunch of weight, got herself a pretty red dye job and blew us all away with Min Kärlek. But, did anyone notice that she’s got enough gel in her hair here to style a whole summer stock cast of Grease? Seriously, her little ringlets are all chunked together and her hair is all shiny and matted. And not clean-and-conditioned shiny. It’s too-much-product shiny. And messy. And moreover, it doesn’t help that her dress could double as a cheap ice skating costume. All in all, this is just a look that could’ve been rethought.
6. Jill Johnsson & Charlotte Perelli – You Shook Me All Night Long (yup… that one)
If ever there was an argument in favor of bangs, it’s the fact that Charlotte’s hair is growing right out of the top of her skull. Of course, this could also be an argument against facelifts… Pick one and stick to it, Char.
5. Sound of Music – Alexandra
Sweden’s resident muppet, Nanne Grönvall, has always looked a bit questionable to me. I don’t usually agree with her attempts to emphasize her already Gollum-esque bobblehead, though I guess when your head is THAT disproportionate to the rest of your body, getting a little bouffant-y isn’t gonna make much of a difference… But -- *shocker!* -- she’s not the head-turner here… Instead, have a good chuckle at the oversized outrageousness of her co-singer, Angelique Widengren, who looks like RATT’s slightly less edgy little sister here. Notice how, at the :25 mark, she tries to touch her own head and her hand is forced back by the power of her hairspray forcefield!
4. The Blonde-Mophead Trifecta (Magnus Backlund, Ola Svensson & Danny Saucedo)
These guys… I tell you… Okay, so I think that what the deal probably is here is that there’s this one wig, right? And these three just keep swapping it off and making minor style changes before they wear it themselves so it looks like they each have their own hair. But they don’t. I picture it like, ‘Hej! Ola! Yeah, it’s Magnus. What’s goin’ on, huh? I know! Congrats on going to Andra Chansen. See though, if you’d kept the wig looking all mullet-y, they might have put you through to the finale like they did for me. Oh, speaking of, I’m gonna need the Hair tonight. I know you promised it to Danny, but he said I could take it as long as I washed it and got it to him in the morning. Yeah? That’s cool? Thanks, man!” There’s really no other explanation why three unrelated grown men should look this indistinguishable. Not to mention the hygiene issues that come with sharing accessories like that…
Magnus:
Ola:
Danny:
3. Anna Book – Det Finns En Morgondag
I present this gift to you not just for little 17-year old Anna’s Long-Island-Jewess-Granny hairdo, but for the entire styling och consulting MESS that allowed this poor teenager to look like Mike Myers as Linda Richman. No, really. Can’t you just see her looking at the camera and saying ‘Samba Sambero is about neither sambas nor samberos… discuss’? As well, above and beyond the clothes and the clown makeup and the pink claw fingernails, and, of course, the hair, the best thing about this video is that at about the 17-second mark, the piano player screws up the accompaniment in a big way and Anna catches it… and she gets very unhappy very quickly. Check out the hairy eyeball she gives the musicians. Cut a bitch, Anna. You’ve got the nails for it!
2. Style – Dover Calais
Okay, before we even discuss the hair-related insanity of this video, go right to the 2:03 mark and notice Gigi Hamilton give you some of the most 80’s-tastic bopping you’ll ever see. Her little turn at the end of the chorus is the epitome of 80’s camp and it couldn’t make me happier. Also making me happy? The way she is completely unable to tilt her head to the side, lest she tip right over. Oh, and spikey mullets! Which wouldn’t be so funny if it weren’t for the fact that ‘spikey mullet’ + ‘thinning hair’ = ‘angel halo’.
1. Anna-Lie Ryde & Bjorn Skifs – Smoke Gets In Your Eyes/Do You Wanna Dance (1982)
The crowning (heh, did you see what I did there?) glory of hair what-the-f*cks.,, If you close your eyes, this is an absolutely stunning performance to listen to. But if you watch it, I DARE you not to be catapulted into hysterics by the sight on Anna-Lie’s head. It’s a mullet! It’s a mullet that’s been feathered… ALL OVER! It’s a mullet that’s been feathered all over AND teased out! And dyed Rocky-Horror-Magenta! This is a woman who laughs in the face of… er… people who laugh at her, I guess.
So, some quick backstory. I was tooling my way around Youtube not long ago, going through Swedish video upon Swedish video (Melodifestivalen fever, which I'm sure more than a few of you understand), and it struck me... The Swedes might like their schlager simple and to the point, but they seriously go ALL OUT when it comes to their hair.
So, for your viewing pleasure, I have scoured the deepest, darkest reaches of the internet (Okay, fine. I skimmed through youtube.) for some of the most insane-tastic hairdos and don’ts on offer. Some are MF entries, some are live TV performances… But they’re all good for a giggle.
Counting down...
13. Lena Philipsson – Dansa I Neon
I wasn’t aware of this, but apparently ‘Dansa I Neon’ is Svensk for ‘I want hair so big it can eat my head’. Well done, Lena. The folks at AquaNet salute you!
12. Lena Philipsson & Charlotte Perrelli – Flickorna på Småland
Where did Shirley Clamp’s schlager sensibility go, you ask? Why, it’s hidden in Charlotte’s hair! Along with Linda Bengtzing’s ability to sing a key change live, Sonja Alden’s retainer, Sandra Oxenryd’s Swedish career, Eva Dahlgren’s heterosexuality and Kikki’s sobriety. It’s the only explanation for why the ‘do is SO big (and why no one knows where those other things are anymore).
11. Lotta Engberg – Fyra Bugg & En Coca-Cola
I’m not actually going talking about Lotta here, cuz she’s just rocking the big-banged French braid (though honorable mention does go to the fuschia scarf holding it together). Instead, check out her backing singers. The girl at the 1:10 mark here is featuring not only the side ponytail (complete with day-glo schrunchie), but the morning-after bedhead too! Anonymous backing singer, your fearlessness has just earned you your moment in the spotlight.
10. Sanna Nielsen – Igår Idag
Dear Sanna. WHY aren’t you wearing enough bobbypins to keep your hair in place?! The ‘I just had sex on prom night’ walk of shame look is beneath you. You’re still super pretty, though, even if you look like a hot mess. Love, John.
9. Lena Philipsson – Om Igen
La PH does it again. Or, igen, I guess. Here she’s decided that she wants to add a little height. Wearing a pair of heels would’ve worked as well, Lena, but you rock out with that giant side ponytail. I TOTALLY take you more seriously because of it.
8. Ted Gardestad - Sattelit
Ted took the David Cassidy look up a notch with this gem of a ‘do. From the way his hair frames his face, to the way the long tresses in back swing over his shoulders, this is 70’s perfection... But, for a special treat, check out the announcer at the beginning. There’s a man who couldn’t be bothered to clean himself up this morning. Hippies represent!!
7. Shirley Clamp – Min Kärlek
Okay, I know you’re all thinking ‘What? Shirley? But she’s always so pretty!’ And you’re mostly right. Moreover, to give her some actual credit, after her MF appearance in 2003 in that awful black muumuu and blown-out hair, Shirl lost a bunch of weight, got herself a pretty red dye job and blew us all away with Min Kärlek. But, did anyone notice that she’s got enough gel in her hair here to style a whole summer stock cast of Grease? Seriously, her little ringlets are all chunked together and her hair is all shiny and matted. And not clean-and-conditioned shiny. It’s too-much-product shiny. And messy. And moreover, it doesn’t help that her dress could double as a cheap ice skating costume. All in all, this is just a look that could’ve been rethought.
6. Jill Johnsson & Charlotte Perelli – You Shook Me All Night Long (yup… that one)
If ever there was an argument in favor of bangs, it’s the fact that Charlotte’s hair is growing right out of the top of her skull. Of course, this could also be an argument against facelifts… Pick one and stick to it, Char.
5. Sound of Music – Alexandra
Sweden’s resident muppet, Nanne Grönvall, has always looked a bit questionable to me. I don’t usually agree with her attempts to emphasize her already Gollum-esque bobblehead, though I guess when your head is THAT disproportionate to the rest of your body, getting a little bouffant-y isn’t gonna make much of a difference… But -- *shocker!* -- she’s not the head-turner here… Instead, have a good chuckle at the oversized outrageousness of her co-singer, Angelique Widengren, who looks like RATT’s slightly less edgy little sister here. Notice how, at the :25 mark, she tries to touch her own head and her hand is forced back by the power of her hairspray forcefield!
4. The Blonde-Mophead Trifecta (Magnus Backlund, Ola Svensson & Danny Saucedo)
These guys… I tell you… Okay, so I think that what the deal probably is here is that there’s this one wig, right? And these three just keep swapping it off and making minor style changes before they wear it themselves so it looks like they each have their own hair. But they don’t. I picture it like, ‘Hej! Ola! Yeah, it’s Magnus. What’s goin’ on, huh? I know! Congrats on going to Andra Chansen. See though, if you’d kept the wig looking all mullet-y, they might have put you through to the finale like they did for me. Oh, speaking of, I’m gonna need the Hair tonight. I know you promised it to Danny, but he said I could take it as long as I washed it and got it to him in the morning. Yeah? That’s cool? Thanks, man!” There’s really no other explanation why three unrelated grown men should look this indistinguishable. Not to mention the hygiene issues that come with sharing accessories like that…
Magnus:
Ola:
Danny:
3. Anna Book – Det Finns En Morgondag
I present this gift to you not just for little 17-year old Anna’s Long-Island-Jewess-Granny hairdo, but for the entire styling och consulting MESS that allowed this poor teenager to look like Mike Myers as Linda Richman. No, really. Can’t you just see her looking at the camera and saying ‘Samba Sambero is about neither sambas nor samberos… discuss’? As well, above and beyond the clothes and the clown makeup and the pink claw fingernails, and, of course, the hair, the best thing about this video is that at about the 17-second mark, the piano player screws up the accompaniment in a big way and Anna catches it… and she gets very unhappy very quickly. Check out the hairy eyeball she gives the musicians. Cut a bitch, Anna. You’ve got the nails for it!
2. Style – Dover Calais
Okay, before we even discuss the hair-related insanity of this video, go right to the 2:03 mark and notice Gigi Hamilton give you some of the most 80’s-tastic bopping you’ll ever see. Her little turn at the end of the chorus is the epitome of 80’s camp and it couldn’t make me happier. Also making me happy? The way she is completely unable to tilt her head to the side, lest she tip right over. Oh, and spikey mullets! Which wouldn’t be so funny if it weren’t for the fact that ‘spikey mullet’ + ‘thinning hair’ = ‘angel halo’.
1. Anna-Lie Ryde & Bjorn Skifs – Smoke Gets In Your Eyes/Do You Wanna Dance (1982)
The crowning (heh, did you see what I did there?) glory of hair what-the-f*cks.,, If you close your eyes, this is an absolutely stunning performance to listen to. But if you watch it, I DARE you not to be catapulted into hysterics by the sight on Anna-Lie’s head. It’s a mullet! It’s a mullet that’s been feathered… ALL OVER! It’s a mullet that’s been feathered all over AND teased out! And dyed Rocky-Horror-Magenta! This is a woman who laughs in the face of… er… people who laugh at her, I guess.
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