Do the right thing, Sweden!
Friday, February 29, 2008
NOT MUCH OF A COMPETITION
The Brits do pop music very well. They've given us some great artists over the years, but why talk about them when we have Eurovision: Your Decision instead?
I do sort of like the idea for the new tournament-style format in theory. Given the right entries, it could make for some interesting 'battles'. The problem is that the most of the songs on offer here aren't that great, so it seems like just another way to showcase the best of the worst. It's the usual lineup of C-listers with songs that are, for the most part, underwhelming. And, sadly, nothing as potentially entertaining to look forward to as Jordan's penis outfit from the 2005 show.
The only real battle is between the girl groups. Clea -- sorry, 'LoveShy' -- have one of the best pop songs of the year with Mr. Gorgeous, sounding equal parts Jamelia's Beware of the Dog and Rachel Stevens' Some Girls. It's the kind of track that should get all sorts of radio play and have the tar remixed out of it for the clubs. Okay, and it would be nice to see Emma and Aimee see some sort of career victory for once, right? They've suffered enough.
On the other side of the coin, there's The Revelations' breezy and delightful It's You, which has all the best parts of a 60's girl group number, plus the added benefit of sounding exactly like something the UK could have actually sent to Eurovision in the 60's. As well, The Revelations boasts a Swede, thus enhancing their Eurovision powers, like, tenfold. They maybe the newcomers here, but barring a disastrous performance, this is the song to beat.
Sadly, it looks like LoveShy are about to hit another career wall when The Revelations steal their thunder and take the stage in Belgrade.
I do sort of like the idea for the new tournament-style format in theory. Given the right entries, it could make for some interesting 'battles'. The problem is that the most of the songs on offer here aren't that great, so it seems like just another way to showcase the best of the worst. It's the usual lineup of C-listers with songs that are, for the most part, underwhelming. And, sadly, nothing as potentially entertaining to look forward to as Jordan's penis outfit from the 2005 show.
The only real battle is between the girl groups. Clea -- sorry, 'LoveShy' -- have one of the best pop songs of the year with Mr. Gorgeous, sounding equal parts Jamelia's Beware of the Dog and Rachel Stevens' Some Girls. It's the kind of track that should get all sorts of radio play and have the tar remixed out of it for the clubs. Okay, and it would be nice to see Emma and Aimee see some sort of career victory for once, right? They've suffered enough.
On the other side of the coin, there's The Revelations' breezy and delightful It's You, which has all the best parts of a 60's girl group number, plus the added benefit of sounding exactly like something the UK could have actually sent to Eurovision in the 60's. As well, The Revelations boasts a Swede, thus enhancing their Eurovision powers, like, tenfold. They maybe the newcomers here, but barring a disastrous performance, this is the song to beat.
Sadly, it looks like LoveShy are about to hit another career wall when The Revelations steal their thunder and take the stage in Belgrade.
EVERYTHING OLD IS NEW AGAIN
Or, Sibel Redzep Is a Great Big Copycat
The proof...
(and I hope the Melodimen don't mind me pilfering their Sibel picture for evidential purposes...)
The proof...
(and I hope the Melodimen don't mind me pilfering their Sibel picture for evidential purposes...)
DELTAVLING 4: HEAT OF DEATH
My first Melodifestivalen post!! It's taken too long, but finally I'm ready to let loose on tomorrow's Final Semi-Final! Whoo!
The Entries:
FOR MÅNGA ORD OM KÄRLEK - Niklas Stromstedt
The Composers Say: An upbeat pop song with lyrics caught between love and pain, and featuring a chorus and verse sung in different keys.
I Say: The first thing that came to mind when I heard this was ‘This isn’t good… It sounds like the Monkees!’ It’s got a veeeeerrrrry 70’s flava to it that, while not altogether bad certainly doesn’t make it a good entry for this contest. Look for this Joker to be out in the first round.
IF I COULD – Calaisa
The Composers Say: A country pop ballad about losing someone close, and the will to do whatever it takes to get that person back.
I Say: Now, I like Calaisa. I do. But this is another case of a song not fitting into the competition. And not in a Marie Lindberg way where the song isn’t really ‘Melodifestivalen’, but wins over the public anyway. This just isn’t gonna go anywhere. Another bottom 3 finisher.
PAME – Daniel Mitsogiannis
The Composers Say: A Greece-inspired up-tempo song - Greek, hot and danceable.
I Say: Apparently Daniel did the Cara Mia demo… It’s obvious in hearing his voice. And this is a total Kempe/Ljunggren song. Dancey, catchy, killer hook into the chorus. As long as the performance itself isn’t over-performed (which it apparently is), this will absolutely do just fine. Andra Chansen, at least (definitely, if it's all overdone).
HU SVÅRT KAN D’VA – Linda Bengtzing
The Composers Say: Schlager* pop for 2008.
I Say: “LINDA DIREKT TILL FINALEN!!!!!” The bloggers have been hoping for this since she was announced into the competition, but this is absolutely the ditty to get her there again. Aside from a) the 'Grace Kelly'-esque schlagertasticness of the song, and b) the fact that she’s TOTALLY helped by the lack of Swedish songs in the final, this is just the kind of song that the voters will eat for dinner. It’s more guitar-ish than synth-y on the chorus, but it’s got the plinky-plunky bells and whistles behind that, it’s got a GREAT hook, and it’s my guess that Linda’s not going to have to worry about competing against Carola.
I LÅGORNAS SKEN – Nordman
The Composers Say: A pop song with nordic flavor about the witch trials of the 17th Century.
I Say: The witch trials? Well, it’s good to know that Nordman takes their family friendly audience into account. Cuz nothing says ‘schlager classic’ or ‘Eurovision winner’ to tween Swedes and international gay boys like ‘Let’s burn your daughters at the stake!’ That being said, I happen to think some of Nordman’s stuff is really catchy and cool to listen to. I don’t think this is a winner, but it should be a cool live song regardless, and one that lives on in the hearts of RIXFm for years to come.
THAT IS WHERE I’LL GO – Sibel
The Composers Say: A strong ballad, with a strong singing voice, about unconditional love.
I Say: Let’s get this right out of the way... As ballad’s go, this puts ‘Empty Room’ to shame. This is the kind of ballad that I like. Grand, dramatic, sweeping… The orchestration is lovely, and if Sibel can sing as well live as she does on the recording, this might actually be a contender, at the VERY least in Andra Chansen.
INGEN MÅR SÅ BRA SOM JAG – Fronda
The Composers Say: Upbeat party song about the everyday grind - stop stressing and enjoy the moment.
I Say: It’s got a fun little beat, and I sort of automatically give an extra listen to anything that features a good horn section, but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to last past Saturday. It’s not anywhere near as strong as the good stuff from this round. Bottom 3.
HERO – Charlotte Perrelli
The Composers Say: A grandiose rock and dance song.
I Say: The bad news. I don’t think Hero is as strong an entry as Hu Svårt…, though it’s very good discopop. I know some bloggers have been all but jumping out of their skin over it, but I didn’t get as excited as others did. I didn’t even get as excited as I did about Déjà Vu. I DO like it, though. I think I was just expecting something more bombastic. Like, REALLY over the top… Ahh, well. The good news is that Charlotte is one of the best live singers in the entire competition, so look for her to put everyone else to shame when it comes to the live performance. And I remain sure that (and look forward to) my feelings on the song will change once I’ve seen Char belting out a crazy key change and serving up her general fabulousness.
The Thinkings:
So, it would seem that this round is really a two-trick pony. Char and Linda, Linda and Char. On first listen, these really are the strongest two entries into this round, and that’s only boosted by the celebrity of the two performers. Hur Svart… is schlager pop the way we want it, and Hero is a disco-stomper that’s likely to feature a great staging and a key change that will have Karlskrona on its feet. Plus, everyone’s seen Charlotte’s shoes by this point, right? Fierceness! With a capital Fierce!
Past those two, the next top two contenders would seem, at first listen, to be Daniel Mitsogiannis and Sibel. Sibel, as I’ve said before and on a couple of other blogs, still has the recent Idol voters at her disposal. I’m guessing that there’s a lot of audience crossover between the two shows (Idol and MF), which means that she still has a handy fanbase in place, which Daniel won’t have. As well, she has a very strong ballad (which, had it been given to Princess Sanna, could probably have walked away the winner of the whole shebang right there) and apparently the vocal ability to carry it off.
Daniel has two things going for him. One, he has a Kempe song, and those tend to do reasonably well in this contest. And two, he has… 'aesthetic appeal'. Now, he’s not MY type personally, but he’s got a nice smile and he’s attractive enough in that generic boypop way that that will work in his favor. And the song is fun. Plus, as yet, there isn’t a song with this sound in either the finals or Andra Chansen, so look for this to move on. My guess is Andra Chansen, but we shall see.
As for Nordman, they are possibly the fifth-wheel entry. He’ll be in the top 5 placement after the first round of votes, I just don’t know if his song can get through.
Calaisa, Niklas Stromstedt and Fronda will be out after the first round of votes, I think. Though, I thought both Christer Sjogren and Suzzie Tapper would be as well, so that just shows you what I know.
The Entries:
FOR MÅNGA ORD OM KÄRLEK - Niklas Stromstedt
The Composers Say: An upbeat pop song with lyrics caught between love and pain, and featuring a chorus and verse sung in different keys.
I Say: The first thing that came to mind when I heard this was ‘This isn’t good… It sounds like the Monkees!’ It’s got a veeeeerrrrry 70’s flava to it that, while not altogether bad certainly doesn’t make it a good entry for this contest. Look for this Joker to be out in the first round.
IF I COULD – Calaisa
The Composers Say: A country pop ballad about losing someone close, and the will to do whatever it takes to get that person back.
I Say: Now, I like Calaisa. I do. But this is another case of a song not fitting into the competition. And not in a Marie Lindberg way where the song isn’t really ‘Melodifestivalen’, but wins over the public anyway. This just isn’t gonna go anywhere. Another bottom 3 finisher.
PAME – Daniel Mitsogiannis
The Composers Say: A Greece-inspired up-tempo song - Greek, hot and danceable.
I Say: Apparently Daniel did the Cara Mia demo… It’s obvious in hearing his voice. And this is a total Kempe/Ljunggren song. Dancey, catchy, killer hook into the chorus. As long as the performance itself isn’t over-performed (which it apparently is), this will absolutely do just fine. Andra Chansen, at least (definitely, if it's all overdone).
HU SVÅRT KAN D’VA – Linda Bengtzing
The Composers Say: Schlager* pop for 2008.
I Say: “LINDA DIREKT TILL FINALEN!!!!!” The bloggers have been hoping for this since she was announced into the competition, but this is absolutely the ditty to get her there again. Aside from a) the 'Grace Kelly'-esque schlagertasticness of the song, and b) the fact that she’s TOTALLY helped by the lack of Swedish songs in the final, this is just the kind of song that the voters will eat for dinner. It’s more guitar-ish than synth-y on the chorus, but it’s got the plinky-plunky bells and whistles behind that, it’s got a GREAT hook, and it’s my guess that Linda’s not going to have to worry about competing against Carola.
I LÅGORNAS SKEN – Nordman
The Composers Say: A pop song with nordic flavor about the witch trials of the 17th Century.
I Say: The witch trials? Well, it’s good to know that Nordman takes their family friendly audience into account. Cuz nothing says ‘schlager classic’ or ‘Eurovision winner’ to tween Swedes and international gay boys like ‘Let’s burn your daughters at the stake!’ That being said, I happen to think some of Nordman’s stuff is really catchy and cool to listen to. I don’t think this is a winner, but it should be a cool live song regardless, and one that lives on in the hearts of RIXFm for years to come.
THAT IS WHERE I’LL GO – Sibel
The Composers Say: A strong ballad, with a strong singing voice, about unconditional love.
I Say: Let’s get this right out of the way... As ballad’s go, this puts ‘Empty Room’ to shame. This is the kind of ballad that I like. Grand, dramatic, sweeping… The orchestration is lovely, and if Sibel can sing as well live as she does on the recording, this might actually be a contender, at the VERY least in Andra Chansen.
INGEN MÅR SÅ BRA SOM JAG – Fronda
The Composers Say: Upbeat party song about the everyday grind - stop stressing and enjoy the moment.
I Say: It’s got a fun little beat, and I sort of automatically give an extra listen to anything that features a good horn section, but that doesn’t mean that it’s going to last past Saturday. It’s not anywhere near as strong as the good stuff from this round. Bottom 3.
HERO – Charlotte Perrelli
The Composers Say: A grandiose rock and dance song.
I Say: The bad news. I don’t think Hero is as strong an entry as Hu Svårt…, though it’s very good discopop. I know some bloggers have been all but jumping out of their skin over it, but I didn’t get as excited as others did. I didn’t even get as excited as I did about Déjà Vu. I DO like it, though. I think I was just expecting something more bombastic. Like, REALLY over the top… Ahh, well. The good news is that Charlotte is one of the best live singers in the entire competition, so look for her to put everyone else to shame when it comes to the live performance. And I remain sure that (and look forward to) my feelings on the song will change once I’ve seen Char belting out a crazy key change and serving up her general fabulousness.
The Thinkings:
So, it would seem that this round is really a two-trick pony. Char and Linda, Linda and Char. On first listen, these really are the strongest two entries into this round, and that’s only boosted by the celebrity of the two performers. Hur Svart… is schlager pop the way we want it, and Hero is a disco-stomper that’s likely to feature a great staging and a key change that will have Karlskrona on its feet. Plus, everyone’s seen Charlotte’s shoes by this point, right? Fierceness! With a capital Fierce!
Past those two, the next top two contenders would seem, at first listen, to be Daniel Mitsogiannis and Sibel. Sibel, as I’ve said before and on a couple of other blogs, still has the recent Idol voters at her disposal. I’m guessing that there’s a lot of audience crossover between the two shows (Idol and MF), which means that she still has a handy fanbase in place, which Daniel won’t have. As well, she has a very strong ballad (which, had it been given to Princess Sanna, could probably have walked away the winner of the whole shebang right there) and apparently the vocal ability to carry it off.
Daniel has two things going for him. One, he has a Kempe song, and those tend to do reasonably well in this contest. And two, he has… 'aesthetic appeal'. Now, he’s not MY type personally, but he’s got a nice smile and he’s attractive enough in that generic boypop way that that will work in his favor. And the song is fun. Plus, as yet, there isn’t a song with this sound in either the finals or Andra Chansen, so look for this to move on. My guess is Andra Chansen, but we shall see.
As for Nordman, they are possibly the fifth-wheel entry. He’ll be in the top 5 placement after the first round of votes, I just don’t know if his song can get through.
Calaisa, Niklas Stromstedt and Fronda will be out after the first round of votes, I think. Though, I thought both Christer Sjogren and Suzzie Tapper would be as well, so that just shows you what I know.
I CAN NAME THAT TUNE IN...
I CAN NAME THAT TUNE IN…
Så Ska Det Låta… It’s apparently Name That Tune meets Don’t Forget The Lyrics meets some kind of weekly Swedish music jam. I still haven’t entirely figured out the point to it all, but from what I can tell, it’s really not much more than a reason for performers to get together and sing some stuff on TV. And there’s a bunch of people pretending there’s some kind of game show in there too, but that just seems like background noise to me.
Anyway, thanks to YouTube, here’s some highlights:
Dea Norberg – I Wanna Be Loved By You
Dea’s not really a huge star yet, though more and more I feel like she should be. She seems to have made a career out of playing second-fiddle to other singers… She’s appeared in the Melodifestivalen backing choir a few times, and filled in for the adorable Linda Bengtzing by appearing with Markoolio at several appearances throughout last year singing Värsta Schlagern, as well as several guest spots on other singers' material, but here she gets to show off her own chops, which are actually quite impressive. This might not be a big vocal powerhouse song, but her delivery earns an A from me. She's charming and I like her.
Linda Bengtzing – The Show Must Go On
Linda Sings Queen? Well, here’s a girl who’s got faith in her own abilities, I gotta say! To give credit where it’s due, though, Linda’s issues singing live seem to be limited to MF, cuz she sounds great here... even if she does have the scary stare of someone who is desperate to hold on to their fame. Calm down, Linda. We all love you already…
Sarah Dawn Finer & Daniel Lindström – Take These Broken Wings
Okay, so I have to get this out of the way. I’m borderline obsessed with SDF. Her MF performances just blew me away, her CD is absolutely lovely, and seeing her live was one of my live-concert-highlights of 2007. And, as such, I couldn’t not include this gem. The voices on these two are great together, and Putte (the accompanist) is adorable.
Shirley Clamp & Sonja Alden – For Kärlekens Skull
I can already hear the squeals of joy from the schlagerfans… “Shirley AND Sonja? SQUEEEEEEE!!!” And, y’all aren’t wrong. And, while I’m totally biased, since this is probably my favorite schlager ballad ever written, this is gorgeous. These two were made to sing together. Now let’s just hope they realize it and record more stuff together.
Sonja Alden – Songbird
Simply put, Sonja has one of the best natural voices on the planet. Effortless.
and, finally...
LaGaylia Frazier - Fields of Gold
I don't understand why American music listeners prefer the overdone r&b over-melismatic singers and maudlin college-FM rocker types to people like this... Okay, fine. I'm oversimplifying. I admit that. But it just seems to me that we don't pay enough attention to people like LaGaylia, truly gifted vocalists who don't need any tricks, just pure talent. That's all I have to say on the subject.
Så Ska Det Låta… It’s apparently Name That Tune meets Don’t Forget The Lyrics meets some kind of weekly Swedish music jam. I still haven’t entirely figured out the point to it all, but from what I can tell, it’s really not much more than a reason for performers to get together and sing some stuff on TV. And there’s a bunch of people pretending there’s some kind of game show in there too, but that just seems like background noise to me.
Anyway, thanks to YouTube, here’s some highlights:
Dea Norberg – I Wanna Be Loved By You
Dea’s not really a huge star yet, though more and more I feel like she should be. She seems to have made a career out of playing second-fiddle to other singers… She’s appeared in the Melodifestivalen backing choir a few times, and filled in for the adorable Linda Bengtzing by appearing with Markoolio at several appearances throughout last year singing Värsta Schlagern, as well as several guest spots on other singers' material, but here she gets to show off her own chops, which are actually quite impressive. This might not be a big vocal powerhouse song, but her delivery earns an A from me. She's charming and I like her.
Linda Bengtzing – The Show Must Go On
Linda Sings Queen? Well, here’s a girl who’s got faith in her own abilities, I gotta say! To give credit where it’s due, though, Linda’s issues singing live seem to be limited to MF, cuz she sounds great here... even if she does have the scary stare of someone who is desperate to hold on to their fame. Calm down, Linda. We all love you already…
Sarah Dawn Finer & Daniel Lindström – Take These Broken Wings
Okay, so I have to get this out of the way. I’m borderline obsessed with SDF. Her MF performances just blew me away, her CD is absolutely lovely, and seeing her live was one of my live-concert-highlights of 2007. And, as such, I couldn’t not include this gem. The voices on these two are great together, and Putte (the accompanist) is adorable.
Shirley Clamp & Sonja Alden – For Kärlekens Skull
I can already hear the squeals of joy from the schlagerfans… “Shirley AND Sonja? SQUEEEEEEE!!!” And, y’all aren’t wrong. And, while I’m totally biased, since this is probably my favorite schlager ballad ever written, this is gorgeous. These two were made to sing together. Now let’s just hope they realize it and record more stuff together.
Sonja Alden – Songbird
Simply put, Sonja has one of the best natural voices on the planet. Effortless.
and, finally...
LaGaylia Frazier - Fields of Gold
I don't understand why American music listeners prefer the overdone r&b over-melismatic singers and maudlin college-FM rocker types to people like this... Okay, fine. I'm oversimplifying. I admit that. But it just seems to me that we don't pay enough attention to people like LaGaylia, truly gifted vocalists who don't need any tricks, just pure talent. That's all I have to say on the subject.
YOU'RE A WONDER, WONDER WOMAN!
I know this one's been making the rounds of all the blogs, but I have to jump on the bandwagon. Can we all give it up for the camptastic fabulousness of one Miss Sandra Oxenryd, please?
Girl can saaaaaaaaaang!
I'm actually convinced she sounds like a young Carola Haggkvist...
Now, if anyone out there wants to be a love and get me a good mp3 version of this, you'd be my new favorite person.
I'm still disappointed in Poland's choice to send the Isis Gee snoozefest to Belgrade.
Girl can saaaaaaaaaang!
I'm actually convinced she sounds like a young Carola Haggkvist...
Now, if anyone out there wants to be a love and get me a good mp3 version of this, you'd be my new favorite person.
I'm still disappointed in Poland's choice to send the Isis Gee snoozefest to Belgrade.
BUSINESS IN THE FRONT, PAR-TAY IN THE BACK... SWEDE-STYLE!
Okay, before I start ripping into my pages of Melodifestivalen notes, I thought I'd start with something silly and light-hearted.
So, some quick backstory. I was tooling my way around Youtube not long ago, going through Swedish video upon Swedish video (Melodifestivalen fever, which I'm sure more than a few of you understand), and it struck me... The Swedes might like their schlager simple and to the point, but they seriously go ALL OUT when it comes to their hair.
So, for your viewing pleasure, I have scoured the deepest, darkest reaches of the internet (Okay, fine. I skimmed through youtube.) for some of the most insane-tastic hairdos and don’ts on offer. Some are MF entries, some are live TV performances… But they’re all good for a giggle.
Counting down...
13. Lena Philipsson – Dansa I Neon
I wasn’t aware of this, but apparently ‘Dansa I Neon’ is Svensk for ‘I want hair so big it can eat my head’. Well done, Lena. The folks at AquaNet salute you!
12. Lena Philipsson & Charlotte Perrelli – Flickorna på Småland
Where did Shirley Clamp’s schlager sensibility go, you ask? Why, it’s hidden in Charlotte’s hair! Along with Linda Bengtzing’s ability to sing a key change live, Sonja Alden’s retainer, Sandra Oxenryd’s Swedish career, Eva Dahlgren’s heterosexuality and Kikki’s sobriety. It’s the only explanation for why the ‘do is SO big (and why no one knows where those other things are anymore).
11. Lotta Engberg – Fyra Bugg & En Coca-Cola
I’m not actually going talking about Lotta here, cuz she’s just rocking the big-banged French braid (though honorable mention does go to the fuschia scarf holding it together). Instead, check out her backing singers. The girl at the 1:10 mark here is featuring not only the side ponytail (complete with day-glo schrunchie), but the morning-after bedhead too! Anonymous backing singer, your fearlessness has just earned you your moment in the spotlight.
10. Sanna Nielsen – Igår Idag
Dear Sanna. WHY aren’t you wearing enough bobbypins to keep your hair in place?! The ‘I just had sex on prom night’ walk of shame look is beneath you. You’re still super pretty, though, even if you look like a hot mess. Love, John.
9. Lena Philipsson – Om Igen
La PH does it again. Or, igen, I guess. Here she’s decided that she wants to add a little height. Wearing a pair of heels would’ve worked as well, Lena, but you rock out with that giant side ponytail. I TOTALLY take you more seriously because of it.
8. Ted Gardestad - Sattelit
Ted took the David Cassidy look up a notch with this gem of a ‘do. From the way his hair frames his face, to the way the long tresses in back swing over his shoulders, this is 70’s perfection... But, for a special treat, check out the announcer at the beginning. There’s a man who couldn’t be bothered to clean himself up this morning. Hippies represent!!
7. Shirley Clamp – Min Kärlek
Okay, I know you’re all thinking ‘What? Shirley? But she’s always so pretty!’ And you’re mostly right. Moreover, to give her some actual credit, after her MF appearance in 2003 in that awful black muumuu and blown-out hair, Shirl lost a bunch of weight, got herself a pretty red dye job and blew us all away with Min Kärlek. But, did anyone notice that she’s got enough gel in her hair here to style a whole summer stock cast of Grease? Seriously, her little ringlets are all chunked together and her hair is all shiny and matted. And not clean-and-conditioned shiny. It’s too-much-product shiny. And messy. And moreover, it doesn’t help that her dress could double as a cheap ice skating costume. All in all, this is just a look that could’ve been rethought.
6. Jill Johnsson & Charlotte Perelli – You Shook Me All Night Long (yup… that one)
If ever there was an argument in favor of bangs, it’s the fact that Charlotte’s hair is growing right out of the top of her skull. Of course, this could also be an argument against facelifts… Pick one and stick to it, Char.
5. Sound of Music – Alexandra
Sweden’s resident muppet, Nanne Grönvall, has always looked a bit questionable to me. I don’t usually agree with her attempts to emphasize her already Gollum-esque bobblehead, though I guess when your head is THAT disproportionate to the rest of your body, getting a little bouffant-y isn’t gonna make much of a difference… But -- *shocker!* -- she’s not the head-turner here… Instead, have a good chuckle at the oversized outrageousness of her co-singer, Angelique Widengren, who looks like RATT’s slightly less edgy little sister here. Notice how, at the :25 mark, she tries to touch her own head and her hand is forced back by the power of her hairspray forcefield!
4. The Blonde-Mophead Trifecta (Magnus Backlund, Ola Svensson & Danny Saucedo)
These guys… I tell you… Okay, so I think that what the deal probably is here is that there’s this one wig, right? And these three just keep swapping it off and making minor style changes before they wear it themselves so it looks like they each have their own hair. But they don’t. I picture it like, ‘Hej! Ola! Yeah, it’s Magnus. What’s goin’ on, huh? I know! Congrats on going to Andra Chansen. See though, if you’d kept the wig looking all mullet-y, they might have put you through to the finale like they did for me. Oh, speaking of, I’m gonna need the Hair tonight. I know you promised it to Danny, but he said I could take it as long as I washed it and got it to him in the morning. Yeah? That’s cool? Thanks, man!” There’s really no other explanation why three unrelated grown men should look this indistinguishable. Not to mention the hygiene issues that come with sharing accessories like that…
Magnus:
Ola:
Danny:
3. Anna Book – Det Finns En Morgondag
I present this gift to you not just for little 17-year old Anna’s Long-Island-Jewess-Granny hairdo, but for the entire styling och consulting MESS that allowed this poor teenager to look like Mike Myers as Linda Richman. No, really. Can’t you just see her looking at the camera and saying ‘Samba Sambero is about neither sambas nor samberos… discuss’? As well, above and beyond the clothes and the clown makeup and the pink claw fingernails, and, of course, the hair, the best thing about this video is that at about the 17-second mark, the piano player screws up the accompaniment in a big way and Anna catches it… and she gets very unhappy very quickly. Check out the hairy eyeball she gives the musicians. Cut a bitch, Anna. You’ve got the nails for it!
2. Style – Dover Calais
Okay, before we even discuss the hair-related insanity of this video, go right to the 2:03 mark and notice Gigi Hamilton give you some of the most 80’s-tastic bopping you’ll ever see. Her little turn at the end of the chorus is the epitome of 80’s camp and it couldn’t make me happier. Also making me happy? The way she is completely unable to tilt her head to the side, lest she tip right over. Oh, and spikey mullets! Which wouldn’t be so funny if it weren’t for the fact that ‘spikey mullet’ + ‘thinning hair’ = ‘angel halo’.
1. Anna-Lie Ryde & Bjorn Skifs – Smoke Gets In Your Eyes/Do You Wanna Dance (1982)
The crowning (heh, did you see what I did there?) glory of hair what-the-f*cks.,, If you close your eyes, this is an absolutely stunning performance to listen to. But if you watch it, I DARE you not to be catapulted into hysterics by the sight on Anna-Lie’s head. It’s a mullet! It’s a mullet that’s been feathered… ALL OVER! It’s a mullet that’s been feathered all over AND teased out! And dyed Rocky-Horror-Magenta! This is a woman who laughs in the face of… er… people who laugh at her, I guess.
So, some quick backstory. I was tooling my way around Youtube not long ago, going through Swedish video upon Swedish video (Melodifestivalen fever, which I'm sure more than a few of you understand), and it struck me... The Swedes might like their schlager simple and to the point, but they seriously go ALL OUT when it comes to their hair.
So, for your viewing pleasure, I have scoured the deepest, darkest reaches of the internet (Okay, fine. I skimmed through youtube.) for some of the most insane-tastic hairdos and don’ts on offer. Some are MF entries, some are live TV performances… But they’re all good for a giggle.
Counting down...
13. Lena Philipsson – Dansa I Neon
I wasn’t aware of this, but apparently ‘Dansa I Neon’ is Svensk for ‘I want hair so big it can eat my head’. Well done, Lena. The folks at AquaNet salute you!
12. Lena Philipsson & Charlotte Perrelli – Flickorna på Småland
Where did Shirley Clamp’s schlager sensibility go, you ask? Why, it’s hidden in Charlotte’s hair! Along with Linda Bengtzing’s ability to sing a key change live, Sonja Alden’s retainer, Sandra Oxenryd’s Swedish career, Eva Dahlgren’s heterosexuality and Kikki’s sobriety. It’s the only explanation for why the ‘do is SO big (and why no one knows where those other things are anymore).
11. Lotta Engberg – Fyra Bugg & En Coca-Cola
I’m not actually going talking about Lotta here, cuz she’s just rocking the big-banged French braid (though honorable mention does go to the fuschia scarf holding it together). Instead, check out her backing singers. The girl at the 1:10 mark here is featuring not only the side ponytail (complete with day-glo schrunchie), but the morning-after bedhead too! Anonymous backing singer, your fearlessness has just earned you your moment in the spotlight.
10. Sanna Nielsen – Igår Idag
Dear Sanna. WHY aren’t you wearing enough bobbypins to keep your hair in place?! The ‘I just had sex on prom night’ walk of shame look is beneath you. You’re still super pretty, though, even if you look like a hot mess. Love, John.
9. Lena Philipsson – Om Igen
La PH does it again. Or, igen, I guess. Here she’s decided that she wants to add a little height. Wearing a pair of heels would’ve worked as well, Lena, but you rock out with that giant side ponytail. I TOTALLY take you more seriously because of it.
8. Ted Gardestad - Sattelit
Ted took the David Cassidy look up a notch with this gem of a ‘do. From the way his hair frames his face, to the way the long tresses in back swing over his shoulders, this is 70’s perfection... But, for a special treat, check out the announcer at the beginning. There’s a man who couldn’t be bothered to clean himself up this morning. Hippies represent!!
7. Shirley Clamp – Min Kärlek
Okay, I know you’re all thinking ‘What? Shirley? But she’s always so pretty!’ And you’re mostly right. Moreover, to give her some actual credit, after her MF appearance in 2003 in that awful black muumuu and blown-out hair, Shirl lost a bunch of weight, got herself a pretty red dye job and blew us all away with Min Kärlek. But, did anyone notice that she’s got enough gel in her hair here to style a whole summer stock cast of Grease? Seriously, her little ringlets are all chunked together and her hair is all shiny and matted. And not clean-and-conditioned shiny. It’s too-much-product shiny. And messy. And moreover, it doesn’t help that her dress could double as a cheap ice skating costume. All in all, this is just a look that could’ve been rethought.
6. Jill Johnsson & Charlotte Perelli – You Shook Me All Night Long (yup… that one)
If ever there was an argument in favor of bangs, it’s the fact that Charlotte’s hair is growing right out of the top of her skull. Of course, this could also be an argument against facelifts… Pick one and stick to it, Char.
5. Sound of Music – Alexandra
Sweden’s resident muppet, Nanne Grönvall, has always looked a bit questionable to me. I don’t usually agree with her attempts to emphasize her already Gollum-esque bobblehead, though I guess when your head is THAT disproportionate to the rest of your body, getting a little bouffant-y isn’t gonna make much of a difference… But -- *shocker!* -- she’s not the head-turner here… Instead, have a good chuckle at the oversized outrageousness of her co-singer, Angelique Widengren, who looks like RATT’s slightly less edgy little sister here. Notice how, at the :25 mark, she tries to touch her own head and her hand is forced back by the power of her hairspray forcefield!
4. The Blonde-Mophead Trifecta (Magnus Backlund, Ola Svensson & Danny Saucedo)
These guys… I tell you… Okay, so I think that what the deal probably is here is that there’s this one wig, right? And these three just keep swapping it off and making minor style changes before they wear it themselves so it looks like they each have their own hair. But they don’t. I picture it like, ‘Hej! Ola! Yeah, it’s Magnus. What’s goin’ on, huh? I know! Congrats on going to Andra Chansen. See though, if you’d kept the wig looking all mullet-y, they might have put you through to the finale like they did for me. Oh, speaking of, I’m gonna need the Hair tonight. I know you promised it to Danny, but he said I could take it as long as I washed it and got it to him in the morning. Yeah? That’s cool? Thanks, man!” There’s really no other explanation why three unrelated grown men should look this indistinguishable. Not to mention the hygiene issues that come with sharing accessories like that…
Magnus:
Ola:
Danny:
3. Anna Book – Det Finns En Morgondag
I present this gift to you not just for little 17-year old Anna’s Long-Island-Jewess-Granny hairdo, but for the entire styling och consulting MESS that allowed this poor teenager to look like Mike Myers as Linda Richman. No, really. Can’t you just see her looking at the camera and saying ‘Samba Sambero is about neither sambas nor samberos… discuss’? As well, above and beyond the clothes and the clown makeup and the pink claw fingernails, and, of course, the hair, the best thing about this video is that at about the 17-second mark, the piano player screws up the accompaniment in a big way and Anna catches it… and she gets very unhappy very quickly. Check out the hairy eyeball she gives the musicians. Cut a bitch, Anna. You’ve got the nails for it!
2. Style – Dover Calais
Okay, before we even discuss the hair-related insanity of this video, go right to the 2:03 mark and notice Gigi Hamilton give you some of the most 80’s-tastic bopping you’ll ever see. Her little turn at the end of the chorus is the epitome of 80’s camp and it couldn’t make me happier. Also making me happy? The way she is completely unable to tilt her head to the side, lest she tip right over. Oh, and spikey mullets! Which wouldn’t be so funny if it weren’t for the fact that ‘spikey mullet’ + ‘thinning hair’ = ‘angel halo’.
1. Anna-Lie Ryde & Bjorn Skifs – Smoke Gets In Your Eyes/Do You Wanna Dance (1982)
The crowning (heh, did you see what I did there?) glory of hair what-the-f*cks.,, If you close your eyes, this is an absolutely stunning performance to listen to. But if you watch it, I DARE you not to be catapulted into hysterics by the sight on Anna-Lie’s head. It’s a mullet! It’s a mullet that’s been feathered… ALL OVER! It’s a mullet that’s been feathered all over AND teased out! And dyed Rocky-Horror-Magenta! This is a woman who laughs in the face of… er… people who laugh at her, I guess.
THE FIRST ONE
After reading about a zillion other blog pages, I finally broke down and decided to start one of my own.
I can't promise it'll be a groundbreaking space or anything. Probably mostly just forays into my silly little pop culture obsessions, which means you can look forward to hearing me vent my spleen on lots of things reality-tv and cheesepop-music related.
I know you're all thrilled... And so am I!
I can't promise it'll be a groundbreaking space or anything. Probably mostly just forays into my silly little pop culture obsessions, which means you can look forward to hearing me vent my spleen on lots of things reality-tv and cheesepop-music related.
I know you're all thrilled... And so am I!
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