Project Runway
Well, that was anti-climactic. I don’t think anyone watching this week’s finale is in any way surprised that Christian ran away with the title of America’s Next Great Fashion Designer. While I haven’t always been his biggest fan, there is absolutely no denying that he produced some stellar work this season, and that he is truly a talent who will go on to do amazing things in the industry.
In fact, a big round of congratulations go out to all the finalists, including Chris March and Sweet P. They might not have gotten to show their collections on the aired program, but they were live in the tents, so I don’t think either of them is too upset. I still think it’s a shame that Chris’ gorgeous Mona Lisa dress didn’t get the spotlight it should’ve, but I’m sure we’ll see his work in the future anyway. Jillian’s line, a marvelous collection of skirts, knits and her specialty tailored jackets, was gorgeous, and Rami far outdid anything he had created on the show. His two last evening gowns were absolute works of art, voluminous and tailored and loud and subtle all at the same time. He should be proud to tell the judges to cram their ‘you’re so one-note’ comments.
More awesome than the runway, however, was the cheeto-clad Victoria Beckham, who might not be my favorite person ever, but added FAR more to this final judging than her predecessors Debra Messing or Parker Posey (I’m leaving Fern Mallis out of this, on account of how she pretty much rocks!). As we all know, La Beckham (Victoria, not David) is a woman who knows her clothing and makes sure everyone else knows that she knows it… Actually, the same could be said about her husband, the Other La Beckham. Anyways, her Rain-Man level savant-ness was on full display here as she spoke authoritatively and impressively on the merits of each designer’s line, even going so far as to deem Christian’s collection (self-described as ‘fierce’) as ‘major’, easily the highest praise one could expect from her.
Congratulations, little Cockatiel. You really are pretty Major, even if I’ve hated admitting it all season. Now, please stop adding those ugly ruffles to every blouse you make and you’ll be good to go.
Make Me a Supermodel
Another week with all boys in the bottom three! It’s like my prayers are being answered! Keep rockin’, Shannon and Holly! And send Ben home, America!
So, this week it was Frankie who was told that America didn’t give a shit about him… Wait, sorry. He was told that ‘[we] can’t make [you] a supermodel’… But that’s just a potato/po-tah-to sitch, right?
The challenge this week wasn’t the usual photoshoot, but a live action shoot for a video look book. Heh, y’know, I swear, as someone who spent from the time I was 7 singing, acting, performing and training, it’s always hysterical to me to take a bunch of people off the street and say ‘now you’re gonna act!’ cuz it always turns out that they really can’t. Anyways, this was a particularly nasty challenge, as no one was guaranteed a spot in the shoot. The director basically put people together on spec and if a minimodel couldn’t hack it, they didn’t make it into the final project.
Once again, poor Casey was left in the dust as he didn’t get cast in the first scene, got booted from the second, and wasn’t even in the same neighborhood as being considered for the last. Holly and Shannon continued their challenge domination, receiving praise for the shoots they were cast in, Ronnie continued his upward mobility, making out with Ben in the process (for the shoot, not, like, for fun… cuz Ben’s totally straight and has a wife at home and just likes the attention he gets from Ronnie but he’s totally straight and has a wife at home and he’s SO not gay and I’m so sick of this stupid storyline!), and Ben continued his descent into hopefully getting his face punched in.
Jennifer Starr, who I find I both like and agree with a lot, showed up to drag the minimodels to Bloomingdale’s for a little ‘Brand Ambassador’ gig, which really just looked to me like a ‘floor salesman’ gig, but I’m not in the fashion industry so what do I know? They basically had to walk the floor of the store’s cafe, interrupting people trying to enjoy their brunches and selling what they were wearing. It was exactly as comfortable to watch as it sounds like it would be. Ben decided he was over this challenge, half-assed the meeting with the woman from Bloomie’s, then got pissy when he wasn’t cast and spent the rest of the day pouting and acting like a jerk of the highest order. Classy! Casey, on the other hand, rocked out with his cock out and earned, with Shannon, the highest praise from the Bloomingdale’s exec.
At panel, everyone had to rock not one, but two looks, and Holly (yay!) and Shannon (yay!) were announced as safe. After a pathetic meltdown from Ben where Tyson looked about half a second from letting loose some flying fists, Perry (boo!) was sent back to join the girls leaving Ronnie, Casey and The Jerk to face the vote.
Just get rid of Ben, America. And, panel? Leave Casey ALONE! Pick on Perry, for God’s sake!
American Idol
The Songs of the 80’s brought us a fair amount of duds from both boys and girls this week, but we got a Top 12 out of it anyway. The awesomeness of Jason Castro, David Cook and David Archuleta helped them claim their spots first, followed by Brooke White (whose Pat Benatar performance I still can’t get over), Ramiele Malubay (do NOT have another bad week like that again, girl!), and Syesha Mercado. David-the-Gay-Stripper Hernandez, Michael Johns and Chikeze were the other three boys to make the cut, meaning that Luke Menard was finally put out of my misery along with Danny Noriega, which I wasn’t expecting. And, judging from the way in which he was so obviously planning on breezily telling Simon to fuck himself on his way over to claim a stool, neither was he. It’s a terrible shame, as he really is a talented kid, but he wasn’t ever able to really spotlight that since it obviously was more important that we understand that he is the Gayest Boy On TV. Hopefully, though, Danny’ll learn to tone himself down and realize that there are other ways to be a positive, unashamed gay man without having to resort to a string of clichés and personality-sapping affectations that serve no purpose except to perpetuate the idea that we’re all cartoon-like stereotypical queens. Learn some self respect, Danny, and you’ll be all the better for it. I’ll like you more then, too.
On the girls side, last to join the lineup were Carly Smithson, Amanda Overmeyer and Final Remaining Generic Blone Kristy Lee Cook, sending home Asia’h Epperson, she of the Unnecessary Apostrophe And Totally Dead Dad, and Second-To-Last Generic Blonde Kady Malloy who petrified us all by doing that damned Britney voice anytime a camera was in her face. Asia’h fell victim to the Curse of Don’t Sing a Whitney Song Ever, which is a shame because you would really think, seven seasons in, these kids would know that you don’t sing that shit! If Whitney even breathed on the sheet music, you LEAVE IT ALONE! She did it better than you! You will sound like a second-rate amateur if you sing something she’s done! Just don’t do it! And, again, it’s too bad as she is obviously a very talented girl, and a better song choice could have kept her in contention. Kady, on the other hand, was more than deserving of her boot, having warbled her way through Queen’s Who Wants To Live Forever and possibly given my cat a mild stroke in the process. (Poor Nestle had to leave the room while she sang and was actually sent running by a particularly flat note.)
Next week sees the newly formed Top 12 take on the Lennon/McCartney songbook, so make sure not to miss it. There’s nothing like watching amateurs mangle some of the best songs of the last hundred years, right? And, I predict right now that one of them will sing Hey Jude (badly), David Archuleta won’t listen to Simon and do another ballad, thus officially making him the most boring contestant in the bunch, Amanda Overmeyer will sing the Joe Cocker version of ‘I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends’ and be very competent at it, Ramiele will continue to rock my world even if she’s only mediocre, and Kristy Lee Cook won’t have any idea what to do with herself.
Also, wishful thinking, I would LOVE to hear Brooke White do an acoustic rendition of the Across the Universe version of I Wanna Hold Your Hand.
America's Next Top Model
...will get updated in the next day or two. I was at an Eddie Izzard show Wednesday night and still haven't seen it yet.
Watch this space.
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5 comments:
Re: Project Runway, I was hoping for Rami (he works out at the gym where I train clients, and I just found out he used to be boyfriends with my landlord). I'm kind of losing the enchantment with reality contests, now that it becomes more and more apparent that the winners don't REALLY join the pantheon of success.
I'm waiting for the creation for a complete alternate reality world where the Project Runway fake designers create fashion shows populated by the Next Top Models and make Me A Supermodel fake models, then they can all go to a restaurant created by the Top Chef fake restaurateurs and then be entertained by an afterdinner floor show featuring the American Idol fake superstars. Of course if they're not so lucky it will be a dinner at Hell's Kitchen sitting next to the fake couples from all the myriad bad dating show....
Actually, that place exists. Belly, the LA 'hotspot' owned by two reality show winners where reality show contestants hang out to relive their 15 minutes of fame, is exactly that horrid alternative-universe.
"it becomes more and more apparent that the winners don't REALLY join the pantheon of success."
But, come on. Any reality show has to use hyperbolic phrases like 'the Next Great Whatever'. Would you watch a show called America's Next Forgettable Fashion Designer? No, you wouldn't. Nor would you watch Bankrupt In Two Years Chef, Make Me a Bulimic With Self-Esteem Issues or American One-Hit Wonder.
That being said, I find that I actually give a fair amount of credit to the Bravo shows more than the network ones (though Top Model will ever and always be my televisual guiltiest guilty pleasure). I really do appreciate that shows like Runway and Top Chef have begun to choose contestants who are already established professionals in their fields as opposed to, say, Idol or ANTM where the contestants don't have the experience, just their wide-eyed hopes and dreams. The Bravo contestants may not be restaurant owners yet, or designers with their own major labels, but they're already working towards that goal by the time they're cast for TV(unlike the dearth of shower singers who move further and further on Idol or the useless single people who show up on the dating shows.
That's why I'll give the Bravo shows a little more lenience. Their winners might not become the 'Next Great American Whattyacallit', but they already have careers, so who says they have to be? Besides, look at Runway. Prior to this season, Rami dresses celebrities for a living, and he, Elisa and Victorya had ALREADY shown at Fashion Week, so the only extra benefit they got out of it was the TV exposure. And Harold Dieterle who won the first Top Chef has opened a real restaurant here that a) is doing quite well for itself and b) serves some fantastic food! So sometimes these folks can make good on their win.
Sometimes... And sometimes they screw themselves.
Jay McCarroll, I'm looking at you...
hey thanks for your message on my blog ;) have been quite busy with work so didnt have the time to update hahhaa... tomorrow's andra chansen ! cant wait :)
I'm a fine one to talk, actually. The nightclub where I do the Friday night door in West Hollywood just hosted a fabulous "world premier of the hit single" by former Idol 8th-placer Kimberly Caldwell. I got to take the piss out of Justin Guarini when he was on his way out (I asked him what's next on the horizon for him, "From Justin to Jordan"?). It was as much fun as the time that I showed Nikki McKibbin my imitation of her clattering her fake nails on the microphone when Idol tried to glam her up for "Black Velvet".
"The nightclub where I do the Friday night door in West Hollywood just hosted a fabulous "world premier of the hit single" by former Idol 8th-placer Kimberly Caldwell."
Wow! Now, THAT's a brush with celebrity right there, isn't it?
AND Guarini?
You must have felt like you were at the Oscars!
:-P
Heeeeee!
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